agility dogs with specialist lifetime cover
And it can be funny, too!
your dog (again) or an agility show (again) to your non-doggie friends and their eyes glaze
over as they stifle a yawn. Yes, folks, there are people out there who will appreciate your
agility sense humour. This page is a place where you can share your sense of humour with
like-minded people without fear of retribution or being forced to listen to those big
fish stories... again.
So if you see or hear something which
will tickle our funny bone, email it to:-
Agilitynet. For instance...
Letter to The Repair Shop
Dear Repair Shop -
I have an A-frame that I am very attached
to. My children and my grandchildren have used it for many years as have many of
my present dogs and ones that have long passed over the rainbow bridge.
Over the years I have painted it and
repaired it multiple times but feel that it has reached the point of no return.
Many club members have enjoyed the
benefits of its exercise uses with their dogs and would miss it terribly.
Can you help me? I need your experience
Footnote from Carol
This is my own joke. I am sure that many other agility people have a piece
of equipment that brings back memories of happy times over the decade.
How to Recognise Dog Agility
Adapted from an
email from Shelley Grey
agility people are a special breed, not usually recognised by the KC.
They can be identified because they:-
Usually have crates in their living
Keep messy houses, but their kennels are spotless.
Can always find a show
within an arms reach.
Have kids who know more about the
birds and the bees when they are five than most people know at 40.
Will drive 100 miles,
spend £50 on petrol and £10 on meals to bring home a 25p rosette.
Can never be reached on weekends,
unless you happen to be at the same show.
Have trouble getting to work on time
but can be at ringside by 8:00 am.
Will give up a £150,000
home to move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a £150,000 dog kennel.
Have children who grow
up believing 'Bitch' is just another household word.
Do not have
grass or flowers in their gardens.
May pay the mortgage 10
days late BUT never miss a closing date for entries.
Would rather be audited
by the Inland Revenue than investigated by the KC.
Use dog food bags for
rubbish and rubbish bins for dog food.
Talk on the phone for
hours to another dog person in a language known only to dog people.
Have parents and family who think they've lost their minds, neighbours who
think they're strange and doggy friends who theink they're terrific!
Good News / Bad News
was an agility competitor. As the years progressed , she became more and more of a fanatic. One
day it occurred to her that Heaven might not have agility trials. She soon became obsessed with
this disturbing possibility. It began to interfere with her everyday life.
As a last resort , she went to a fortune
teller. The fortune teller asked her, 'Why have you come?' Jane blurted out, 'Ohh, I just have
to know, are there agility trials in Heaven?'
The fortune teller sighed and began to peer
into her crystal ball. Finally she said, 'I have good news and bad news.'
Jane could hardly contain herself. She said,
'Oh please tell me, are there agility trials in Heaven?'
The fortune teller nodded and said, 'Yes,
Jane clapped her hands and began to cry with
relief. Then she stopped short and said, 'You said there was bad news, too. What is it?'
The fortune teller shrugged and said, 'You
are entered this Saturday!'
Picture: © Kennel Club Good Citizen Scheme
Photo: Ron Rawlingson
If Agility Dogs Were Like Cars...
If dogs were
like cars, I'd want my next model to...
- Have a bigger engine
- Get to top speed in less than 6 seconds
- Be an automatic
- Have cruise control
- Be a stylish and sleek sporty model
- Be cheap to run
- Have an anti-slip braking system
- Be responsive to my every move
Any other suggestions?
Who Says the British Are Obsessed
by the Weather?
Submitted by Amanda Pigg
you to Toni Mendham Dawkins for pointing out that, although everyone else may have thought that
the weather at Axstane this year was great (just about the hottest day of the year), there
certainly was a meteorological feel about the results of the Novice Jumping (Part 2) class.
1st - White LIGHTNING of Valgray with Lisanne Steen
2nd - CLOUDY SKIES with Toni Mendham
3rd - STORME STORM with Sharon Rowe
Well, our weather may be unpredictable, but our agility
dogs are not! (29/12/00)
Isn't Spellchecker One-derful
From Bill Glover
There's an unfortunate (but amusing) typo in the report
on the Pedigree Irish Dog of
the Year that's currently up on Agilitynet. In the Judge's report section, it
refers to an "extremely fat dog" winning the jumping class. I assume this should be FAST and
not fat ??!!
Apologies to Sam McCracken who, in fact, won the Jumping Class to become The Pedigree
Irish Dog of the Year 2000.
The World Gone Mad
From Karen Smith
Laura Bundy of Newton Abbot was stopped by Devon &
Cornwall police when they spotted her pet collie Bramble leaving the park with a stick it had
been playing with.
Police told Mrs Bundy she must return the stolen stick!
An Agility Joke
Q. What do you get when
you cross a sheep with an agility dog?
A. A woolley jumper.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
was explaining to a 11 year old junior today that she needed to drop her shoulder and turn her
neck while doing a blind cross NOT rotate her whole upper body. She was trying to run twisted
around and found herself tripping over her feet. Once she tried the drop shoulder method, she
executed the exercise much more smoothly.
Afterwards with a knit in her brow she said
very seriously that she was really glad she was learning Dog Agility because all the boys were
chasing her on the playground and she had to look over her shoulder to see if they were
'gaining.' She went on with a big smile to say that learning Dog Agility has made her one of
the girls that the boys can just never catch!
'Through the concrete tunnels, down the
slides, over the suspended bridges... now I can run the play ground in 3.5 yards per second!'
An added benefit of the sport of Dog Agility
I never thought of...
The Garden Party
As a Rosarian as well as a new person to agility, I had taken my two dogs along
with their X-pen with me to go and do some volunteer pruning alone in the city rose garden.
I was pruning, some women arriving at the nearby picnic tables recognized me. There's nothing
nicer than getting caught red-handed doing a good deed. They called me over and invited me to
join them for the Garden Club picnic that was about to get underway. There were about 25
members that were bringing pot luck items and setting them on a couple of picnic tables they'd
covered with tablecloths... In making conversation, I remarked that Buttons, Blondie and I were
learning agility the past several months. I decided to give the ladies a little treat - an
agility demonstration using what impromptu agility equipment was at hand, an unused picnic
table off to the side of the gathering.
Getting Blondie, a 9in 14-month old toy poodle, I set her
down on the grass and said in a clear voice, 'Up. Jump, walk-walk-walk', pointing at the vacant
table to be used as a dog-walk. Only I didn't see her get up there. I turned around to look for
her, and found Blondie proudly and happily walking as fast as she could across the table,
between the potato salads, bowls of strawberries, over the table cloths of the tables of the
Garden Club members who were in the process of serving...
Linda Renfer (USA) - Held captive by two toy poodles. Ransom note to follow
From Sherry Wargo (USA)
Dog & Bone
was reading e-mail from the Agility-List when a message came in containing only the word HELP
in the subject line, and the following signature:-
Renee Ward (Mpls, Minn)
So I replied to the message
What do you need help with?
Receiving no reply, after
several minutes I posted the following to the list:-
Please respond quickly... Do you need help? Does anyone on the list know Renee? Is there any
possibility this is a request for MEDICAL help or other emergency?
Still no reply... So I sent a
message to the AGILEDOGS list:-
Does anyone on this list know Renee Ward of Minneapolis, Minn? Please respond
privately and quickly. Possible emergency.
And after a few minutes, another
Renee posted a message to the Agility-L list a few minutes ago, containing only the word
HELP. I'm concerned she may need Medical or other emergency help but can't get any response
from her. Does anyone know what to do?
Then Mary Jo Smirkey responded.
She had done a search on
Renee's name and came up with an address and telephone number. At that point nearly 30 minutes
had gone by since the 'call for help' was posted, and I was getting a bit frantic so I called
the Michigan State Police to see if they could help.
While I was on the phone with
them, I was quite relieved to get the following message from Renee Ward:-
I am so sorry. I was writing to get subscribed to this net got, a phone call and left the
keyboard on the chair. When I came back into the room, my nine month Border Collie pup was
sitting on it. I didn't realize it had sent as it had disconnected.
Renee Ward (Mpls, Minn)
Happy ending so I sent the
following message to both agility lists:-
Okay, everybody, I just got a response from Renee. She had started a message and got a phone
call, left the keyboard sitting on a chair. Her 'silly' BC pup Sabrina (Bri) sat on keyboard and
apparently sent the message! LOL... I was on the phone to the state Police when her message
A word to the wise. Be careful what you
leave on your computer screen when you stop mid-message!
Barbara Craig (USA)
Glad to see that people are alert to things like that.
Diane Lewis (USA)
My dog called 911 once. He knocked the phone off the hook
and then put hit his paw on the phone a few times. I then put the phone back on the hook and
when I did the phone rang and to my surprise it was 911 operator asking if everything was Ok
since a 911 call had just been made from my house. Now only if he could do this on command in a
Leslie Rush (USA)
A BC can write for help? Lordy, I want one of
Diane Gregoire (USA)
Gee... think the BC can learn to read?? Ahhh, taking
Agility yet another step further.
From Donna-Lynn Musgrave & her Borzois (USA)
Good Ole Dad
have two Borzois who are the Agility dogs. Moxie is coming along well, and Flame is to start
soon. My folks think I'm a little weird about dogs. Sound familiar.
Although my Dad has built most of my equipment, neither of my parents never been to an Agility show. They say they'll come to one
when Moxie actually competes.
Friday night after bowling, Mom, Dad, my DH (Dear
Husband) and I were sitting at Whataburger drinkin' coffee, and Dad says to me eagerly,
know that Agility stuff you do?'
Me: 'Yes? I was thrilled that he was
showing some animation about my obsession.
Dad: 'Well, I just saw the dog you should get if you're
serious about that Agility.
Me: 'Yeah? Really?'
Dad: 'Uncle Robert's got one - real smart, real agile
hyper. It's one of them there... wha'daya call 'em...'
Dad: Border Collies.
Me: D'oh! Even the laymen, for mercy's
sake! Even the laymen!
What's in a Name?
I thought y'all would find this one amusing...
From Mike Gooch...
I have a little guy that I just had to name Zipper. Why? Reason, when I tell him down on the table, I can point at the judge and say,
Down.' I figure that if the judge is looking down, they ain't lookin' at my dog.
From Jo Killen...
I scribed for Novice Standard at an agility trial last weekend.
When a Bouvier came into the ring, I checked the scribe sheet and did a double-take. Its name
was Yonder. That seemed a really strange one! Then the handler led off and called, 'Over,
Yonder' and I
understood why she picked it.