Co-sponsors of the 2023 Winning Out Certificates

And it can be funny, too!

Mention your dog (again) or an agility show (again) to your non-doggie friends and their eyes glaze over as they stifle a yawn. Yes, folks, there are people out there who will appreciate your agility sense humour. This page is a place where you can share your sense of humour with like-minded people without fear of retribution  or being forced to listen to those big fish stories... again.

So if you see or hear something which will tickle our funny bone, email it to:- Agilitynet. For instance...

Footie Fun
Started by Ian Balchin, a lifelong Arsenal supporter

Let's start a dog-related football team called Leads United, starting with...
Feel free to join in.

Didier Doggba
Ian Balchin

Frank Lampoo
Ashley Warner

Dwight Yorkie
Ian Balchin

Stan Collie More
Ian Jackson

Harry Kane Corso
Gemma Swann

Lionel Munsterlander
Janet Anne Jackson

Matt le Terrier
Lesley Older

John Terrier
Ashley Warner

Dave Bassett
Ian Balchin

St. Bernard Silva
Gemma Swann

David Barkham
Sarah Woodley

Jack Russell Grealish
Janet Anne Jackson

Gordon Barks & Alisson Barker
Roz Gentry

Victor Weimaraner
Chris Paice

George Westie
Sally Hatton-Savage

Emile Smith-Rover & Barkayo Saka
Ellen Rocco

Paw Gascoigne
Jo Helliwell

Robbie Howler
Grace Blackmore

Peter Beard, Terrier Venables, Emile Husky and Barkus Rashford
Fiona Skinner

Is There Nothing that Agility Plaza Can't Do?
As first seen on Agility Plaza FB (13/06/23)

Hi Agility Plaza

I just want to say thank you for everything you have done to make life easier at shows but I would be really grateful if you could do one more thing that would make your service perfect for me. Could you please send someone round to clean my house whilst I am at shows?

Thank you so much.

Jane Piggott

With a selection of other suggestions...

Actually, washing my car would be nice as well.
Judith Falkner

And cut my grass.
Valerie McDonagh

Packing up all my camping gear for the journey home would be great, especially rolling up the windbreaks!
Sara Francis

Id like you never to let it rain during my runs and could you keep the temperature to under 21*
Beth Nakhalah

Can you walk my courses for me and provide me with a digital copy? That would be great.
Alice Lily

And if you could just run my dog too ....
Val Jackson

Are you listening Mike Brickman...

Letter to The Repair Shop
From Carol Mortimer

Dear Repair Shop -

I have an A-frame that I am very attached to. My children and my grandchildren have used it for many years as have many of my present dogs and ones that have long passed over the rainbow bridge.

Over the years I have painted it and repaired it multiple times but feel that it has reached the point of no return.

Many club members have enjoyed the benefits of its exercise uses with their dogs and would miss it terribly.

Can you help me? I need your experience and skills.

Footnote from Carol
This is my own joke. I am sure that many other agility people have a piece of equipment that brings back memories of happy times over the decade.

How to Recognise Dog Agility People
Adapted from an email from Shelley Grey

Dog agility people are a special breed, not usually recognised by the KC.

They can be identified because they:-

  1. Usually have crates in their living rooms.

  2. Keep messy houses, but their kennels are spotless.

  3. Can always find a show schedule within an arms reach.

  4. Have kids who know more about the birds and the bees when they are five than most people know at 40.

  5. Will drive 100 miles, spend 50 on petrol and 10 on meals to bring home a 25p rosette.

  6. Drive vans.

  7. Can never be reached on weekends, unless you happen to be at the same show.

  8. Have trouble getting to work on time but can be at ringside by 8:00 am.

  9. Will give up a 150,000 home to move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a 150,000 dog kennel.

  10. Have children who grow up believing 'Bitch' is just another household word.

  11. Do not have grass or flowers in their gardens.

  12. May pay the mortgage 10 days late BUT never miss a closing date for entries.

  13. Would rather be audited by the Inland Revenue than investigated by the KC.

  14. Use dog food bags for rubbish and rubbish bins for dog food.

  15. Talk on the phone for hours to another dog person in a language known only to dog people.

  16. Have parents and family who think they've lost their minds, neighbours who think they're strange and doggy friends who theink they're terrific!

Good News / Bad News
From Cindy Brick

Jane was an agility competitor. As the years progressed , she became more and more of a fanatic. One day it occurred to her that Heaven might not have agility trials. She soon became obsessed with this disturbing possibility. It began to interfere with her everyday life.

As a last resort , she went to a fortune teller. The fortune teller asked her, 'Why have you come?' Jane blurted out, 'Ohh, I just have to know, are there agility trials in Heaven?'

The fortune teller sighed and began to peer into her crystal ball. Finally she said, 'I have good news and bad news.'

Jane could hardly contain herself. She said, 'Oh please tell me, are there agility trials in Heaven?'

The fortune teller nodded and said, 'Yes, there are.'

Jane clapped her hands and began to cry with relief. Then she stopped short and said, 'You said there was bad news, too. What is it?'

The fortune teller shrugged and said, 'You are entered this Saturday!' (16/07/01)

Picture: Kennel Club Good Citizen Scheme

Photo: Ron Rawlingson

If Agility Dogs Were Like Cars...
From Tony Poole

        If dogs were like cars, I'd want my next model to...

  • Have a bigger engine
  • Get to top speed in less than 6 seconds
  • Be an automatic
  • Have cruise control
  • Be a stylish and sleek sporty model
  • Be cheap to run
  • Have an anti-slip braking system
  • Be responsive to my every move

        Any other suggestions?

Who Says the British Are Obsessed by the Weather?
Submitted by Amanda Pigg

Thank you to Toni Mendham Dawkins for pointing out that, although everyone else may have thought that the weather at Axstane this year was great (just about the hottest day of the year), there certainly was a meteorological feel about the results of the Novice Jumping (Part 2) class. 

  • 1st - White LIGHTNING of Valgray with Lisanne Steen

  • 2nd - CLOUDY SKIES with Toni Mendham

  • 3rd - STORME STORM with Sharon Rowe

    Well, our weather may be unpredictable, but our agility dogs are not!  (29/12/00)

    Isn't Spellchecker One-derful
    From Bill Glover

    There's an unfortunate (but amusing) typo in the report on the Pedigree Irish Dog of the Year that's currently up on Agilitynet. In the Judge's report section, it refers to an "extremely fat dog" winning the jumping class. I assume this should be FAST and not fat ??!!

    Editor's note: Apologies to Sam McCracken who, in fact, won the Jumping Class to become The Pedigree Irish Dog of the Year 2000.

    The World Gone Mad
    From Karen Smith

    Laura Bundy of Newton Abbot was stopped by Devon & Cornwall police when they spotted her pet collie Bramble leaving the park with a stick it had been playing with.

    Police told Mrs Bundy she must return the stolen stick!

    An Agility Joke

    Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep with an agility dog?

    A. A woolley jumper.


    Bethany List

    Out of the Mouths of Babes
    From Bonnie Norris

    I was explaining to a 11 year old junior today that she needed to drop her shoulder and turn her neck while doing a blind cross NOT rotate her whole upper body. She was trying to run twisted around and found herself tripping over her feet. Once she tried the drop shoulder method, she executed the exercise much more smoothly.

    Afterwards with a knit in her brow she said very seriously that she was really glad she was learning Dog Agility because all the boys were chasing her on the playground and she had to look over her shoulder to see if they were 'gaining.' She went on with a big smile to say that learning Dog Agility has made her one of the girls that the boys can just never catch!

    'Through the concrete tunnels, down the slides, over the suspended bridges... now I can run the play ground in 3.5 yards per second!'

    An added benefit of the sport of Dog Agility I never thought of...

    The Garden Party

    As a Rosarian as well as a new person to agility, I had taken my two dogs along with their X-pen with me to go and do some volunteer pruning alone in the city rose garden.

    As I was pruning, some women arriving at the nearby picnic tables recognized me. There's nothing nicer than getting caught red-handed doing a good deed. They called me over and invited me to join them for the Garden Club picnic that was about to get underway. There were about 25 members that were bringing pot luck items and setting them on a couple of picnic tables they'd covered with tablecloths... In making conversation, I remarked that Buttons, Blondie and I were learning agility the past several months. I decided to give the ladies a little treat - an agility demonstration using what impromptu agility equipment was at hand, an unused picnic table off to the side of the gathering.

    Getting Blondie, a 9in 14-month old toy poodle, I set her down on the grass and said in a clear voice, 'Up. Jump, walk-walk-walk', pointing at the vacant table to be used as a dog-walk. Only I didn't see her get up there. I turned around to look for her, and found Blondie proudly and happily walking as fast as she could across the table, between the potato salads, bowls of strawberries, over the table cloths of the tables of the Garden Club members who were in the process of serving...
    Linda Renfer (USA) - Held captive by two toy poodles. Ransom note to follow

    Cartoon funny dog with bone | Cute animal illustration, Puppy cartoon,  Cartoon dog
    Dog & Bone
    From Sherry Wargo (USA)

    I was reading e-mail from the Agility-List when a message came in containing only the word HELP in the subject line, and the following signature:-
    Renee Ward (Mpls, Minn)

    So I replied to the message with:-
    What do you need help with?

    Receiving no reply, after several minutes I posted the following to the list:-
    Please respond quickly... Do you need help? Does anyone on the list know Renee? Is there any possibility this is a request for MEDICAL help or other emergency?

    Still no reply... So I sent a message to the AGILEDOGS list:-
    Does anyone on this list know Renee Ward of Minneapolis, Minn? Please respond privately and quickly. Possible emergency.

    And after a few minutes, another to AGILEDOGS:-
    Renee posted a message to the Agility-L list a few minutes ago, containing only the word HELP. I'm concerned she may need Medical or other emergency help but can't get any response from her. Does anyone know what to do?

    Then Mary Jo Smirkey responded.

    She had done a search on Renee's name and came up with an address and telephone number. At that point nearly 30 minutes had gone by since the 'call for help' was posted, and I was getting a bit frantic so I called the Michigan State Police to see if they could help.

    While I was on the phone with them, I was quite relieved to get the following message from Renee Ward:-
    I am so sorry. I was writing to get subscribed to this net got, a phone call and left the keyboard on the chair. When I came back into the room, my nine month Border Collie pup was sitting on it. I didn't realize it had sent as it had disconnected.
    Renee Ward (Mpls, Minn)

    Happy ending so I sent the following message to both agility lists:-
    Okay, everybody, I just got a response from Renee. She had started a message and got a phone call, left the keyboard sitting on a chair. Her 'silly' BC pup Sabrina (Bri) sat on keyboard and apparently sent the message! LOL... I was on the phone to the state Police when her message came in!

    A word to the wise. Be careful what you leave on your computer screen when you stop mid-message!


    Barbara Craig (USA)
    Glad to see that people are alert to things like that. Thanks Sherry!

    Diane Lewis (USA)
    My dog called 911 once. He knocked the phone off the hook and then put hit his paw on the phone a few times. I then put the phone back on the hook and when I did the phone rang and to my surprise it was 911 operator asking if everything was Ok since a 911 call had just been made from my house. Now only if he could do this on command in a real emergency...

    Leslie Rush (USA)
    A BC can write for help? Lordy, I want one of those!

    Diane Gregoire (USA)
    Gee... think the BC can learn to read?? Ahhh, taking Agility yet another step further.

    Moxie on the seesawMoxie on the A-frame
    Good Ole Dad
    From Donna-Lynn Musgrave & her Borzois (USA)

    We have two Borzois who are the Agility dogs. Moxie is coming along well, and Flame is to start soon. My folks think I'm a little weird about dogs. Sound familiar. Although my Dad has built most of my equipment, neither of my parents never been to an Agility show. They say they'll come to one when Moxie actually competes.

    Friday night after bowling, Mom, Dad, my DH (Dear Husband) and I were sitting at Whataburger drinkin' coffee, and Dad says to me eagerly,

    Dad: 'You know that Agility stuff you do?'

    Me: 'Yes? I was thrilled that he was showing some animation about my obsession.

    Dad: 'Well, I just saw the dog you should get if you're serious about that Agility.

    Me: 'Yeah? Really?'

    Dad: 'Uncle Robert's got one - real smart, real agile and real hyper. It's one of them there... wha'daya call 'em...'  

    Me: What?

    Dad: Border Collies.

    Me: D'oh! Even the laymen, for mercy's sake! Even the laymen!

    What's in a Name?

    I thought y'all would find this one amusing...

    From Mike Gooch...
    I have a little guy that I just had to name Zipper. Why? Reason, when I tell him down on the table, I can point at the judge and say, 'Zipper, Down.' I figure that if the judge is looking down, they ain't lookin' at my dog.

    From Jo Killen...
    I scribed for Novice Standard at an agility trial last weekend. When a Bouvier came into the ring, I checked the scribe sheet and did a double-take. Its name was Yonder. That seemed a really strange one! Then the handler led off and called, 'Over, Yonder' and I understood why she picked it.

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