EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling  objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry  cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the  mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture  Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet  while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the  stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once  again induced myself to vomit on their FAVOURITE chair...must try this on  their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the head to show them what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call 'beer.' More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of allergies. 'Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.'

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.  But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...