Did you know that dog is god
spelled backwards?
The Promised Land
From The Agility Whisperer
An enthusiastic Agility
handler died. At the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked the handler whether s/he wanted to come
in or to go and spend life in Hell.
The handler replied
'Naturally, I want to be in Heaven.'
St. Peter asked, 'Are you
sure?'
S/he
replied that she could think of nothing better. St. Peter, however, suggested that she should
go and spend a day in Hell to see what it was like before s/he made a final decision.
On reaching Hell, the
handler was amazed by what s/he saw. It was a lovely sunny day with just enough breeze to make
it ideal for agility. There were lots of friends she had known and loved from the agility
circuit. She ran several fantastic rounds and won the Grade 7 Agility. It was one of the best
days she had ever known. It was lovely meeting old friends. This was the sort of place she
would love to be for eternity.
At the end of the day, she
went back to the Gates of Heaven and St. Peter asked her about her experience.
'It
was lovely meeting old friends and renewing the friendly rivalry of competition.'
'What do you want to do
then?' asked St. Peter.
'I think I will vote to
go to Hell.'
When s/he returned to Hell,
the scene had changed. It was pouring with rain and blowing a howling gale. The rings were
under water. Awnings were flying everywhere. Vehicles were stuck, and there was no tractor to
move them. There would be no competition. There was no one to talk to. Everyone was concerned
with self-preservation. In the Secretary’s tent, the factions were arguing about what to do but
the reality was that the show would have to be called off.
The handler looked around
horrified and said, 'It was not like this yesterday.'
The Devil smiled and
said, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted!'
The Dog & Creation
From Frank Rocco
-
 On
the first day of creation, God created the dog.
- On the second day,
God created man to serve the dog.
- On the third day,
God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food
for the dog.
- On the fourth day,
God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
- On the fifth day,
God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
- On the sixth day,
God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
- On the seventh day,
God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog!
Photo: Da Dog Church
A Dog's Prayer
From Alan Score
Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?
Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Or is it the same old story?
Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad dog?
Dear God,
When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like
musk!
What's he been rolling around in?
Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on- ramps?
Dear God,
If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight
paths.
What do humans understand?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit,
but not one named for a dog?
How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride!
I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle
the Chrysler Beagle!
<<Must be a US author - never heard of Rover?>>
Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone?
I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time,
but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!
Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants
because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order?
Or is it the carpets again?
Dear God,
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they
never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail
extra fast when they pour fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?
Dear God,
I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need.
But many of the cats here have names and I don't.
Could you give me a name please?
It would be good for my self-esteem.
Dear God,
The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have
a feeling my family might blame me
'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog.
Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent?
Does Petsmart sell lie detectors?
Photos from special set
of 10 first class stamps being issued by the Royal Mail in celebration of our love for our
dogs.
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