Agility Conundrum (1)

from Martin Gill

Fact: The only way a dog can complete the weave exercise correctly is to enter the weave with the first pole by it left shoulder and to finish with the last pole by it's right shoulder (assuming an even number of weave poles), and to weave through all the poles in between.

Fact: The only way a dog can complete contact exercises correctly is to touch the contact area on the way up, and touch the other contact area on the way down.

Fact: If a dog fails to complete the weaves correctly and takes the next obstacle, the dog is eliminated.

Fact: If a dog fails to touch both contact areas and takes the next obstacle, it is given 10 faults.

Why the difference?

Agility Conundrum (2)

Assume the first two statements again in Conundrum (1)

Fact: If a dog fails to complete the weaves correctly and the handler takes the dog back and attempts the exercise again, the dog is given five faults for each attempt.

Fact: If a dog fails to touch both contact areas and the handler takes it back to attempt the exercise again, the dog is eliminated for taking the wrong course.

Why the difference? (09/07/02)

Rosettes to 10% of the Class
But what about the rest?

How's this for a last place rosette - a black and white polka-dotted ribbon with a smiley face in the middle given for a spotty performance.

If you have an idea for other rosettes or trophies, send them to Agilitynet.

Dogs <Gawd Bless 'Em>

from Alan Score

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, 'I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?'

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, 'I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too!'

"Poop" Raffle

from Jane Killion via Wanda Spediacci

As every show committee member knows, one of the hardest jobs is keeping the show sites clean. Nobody wants to be the poop patrol. It's a thankless and dreary task. Here's what one club did to solve this age old problem.

They purchased a new show wire kennel/crate and filled it with every dog necessity imaginable. Stainless steel bowls, flexi-leads, bones, poop scoop, toys, you name it, it was in there. Most of the items were donated by club members.

They set this kennel ringside for every exhibitor to see. It was the raffle prize. And a grand prize it was. The only catch was that none of the raffle tickets were for sale. They were all free.

Every time an exhibitor cleaned up after their dog, they shows one of the grounds committee and were given a free raffle ticket. Exhibitors with dog dirt in zip-lock bags queued up, waiting for committee men to give them their free ticket for each bag. Some people threw their bags out, but then asked the committee to smell their hands. This also earned them one free ticket.

When a dog had an accident in the ring, the person who cleaned it right up was presented a raffle ticket in the ring to a loud round of applause. Everyone got into the spirit.

Needless to say it was probably the cleanest show sight in the history of specialties. The spirit was light and enjoyable. Exhibitors were happy, the grounds crew didn't have to reprimand anyone, and the host venue stayed happy.

Creative Commands

The Alternative Naming of Obstacles

from Leslie Rush

I need very positive forceful words for my 9-year old Dalmatian. I've used these from the beginning so I don't think twice about them. However, it doesn't really matter, because when he's not in the mood, the spots on his ears become buttons and those flaps are fastened firmly!

Table is 'get it' followed by BANG! for the down command
A-frame is CHARGE!
Tunnel is ZOOOOOM!
Chute is GOGOGOGO!
Weaves are BOOGEY!
Jumps are HUP
Teeter is TIP-IT
Dogwalk is WALK-IT (13/06/00)

Mongrel Power

from Steph 'The Boss' King & Oh Rosie!

The boss says she wants to say thank you to the people who came up to her to say well done on my win at Eastbourne in November (yeah, like SHE was doing the hard work!), especially the ones who said how nice it was to see a crossbreed doing well.

She says I'll have to touch some yellow bits now because the rules have changed but I think she's lost the plot. Any self respecting dog can see that they're HOT and this dog brakes for no-one. She says see-saw, I say launch pad. I just throw in the odd contact in case she stops entering them and spoils my fun. I've tried explaining to to her - she's in charge of paying the entries, driving the van and reading the numbers. I make the important decisions round here and I like it in Novice.

Anyway, it was very sweet the way people described me as crossbreed (the boss looks crosser than me most of the time), but I think it's time to reclaim the word 'mongrel'. Mongrel power is here! I've got twice as much street cred as the black and white boys I live with, Ted the Git and Fat Boy. They may be working dogs but I'm a street dog, a stray dog, you can't put me in a category, I just gotta be me. I do it my way, I can talk the talk and walk the walk (just as long as I can still sleep on the sofa and wear my coat in the cold weather, and what's for dinner anyway?).

OK, I admit living with the boss is much comfier, but I could still do the stray dog strut if I wanted.

Say it loud, 57 varieties and proud!
(05/06/00)

New Breeds

What would happen if you crossed a ...

If you were at Crufts this year or last, you may have seen the Poo Shitz (Poodle x Shitzu) amongst the Racing Terriers in the Special Events Ring. You've all heard of Labradoodles or may have seen the Pollies (Poodle Collie X) in the ring. How often have you wished you could genetically engineer the perfect agility dog?  Here is some Internet suggestions.

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow =Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Curly Coated Retriever + Labrador Retriever  = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador  = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind...

Author: Unknown

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Most agility people will relate to this. Obviously whoever originally said this didn't sleep with dogs! Thanks to Al Stecky from Canada for sending it in.

The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.

Rule Number One
The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed - with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs shove a sleeping human to the floor.

Rule Number Two
Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of 'sleep running,' lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.

Rule Number Three
The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the three inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.

Rule Number Four
When the dog wakes - you wake. So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.

Author Unknown

If you dream that a dog is searching you out,
you will be offered interesting work.

 French proverb

Source Unknown

• - You will never receive an unwanted telemarketing call while in the ring.

• - Your children will not ask you for money while you are in the ring.

• - Your boss will not announce massive lay-offs at your company while you are in the ring.

• - You will not discover that your house needs a new roof while you are in the ring.

• - You cannot possibly do anything that will cause a major world-crisis in International Relations while you are in the ring.

• - You will not run into your mother-in-law unexpectedly in the ring.

• - You will never receive a notice that you are being called up for jury duty while you are in the ring.

• - You will not discover that the little home pregnancy test turned the wrong color while you are in the ring.

• - The computer repair person will not inform you that you need a whole new whatchamacallit while you are in the ring.

• - You will not discover that the neighbor just sold his property to a toxic waste disposal firm while you are in the ring.

• - Nobody will think you are weird for wanting to spend so much time training your dog while you are in the ring.

• But BEST OF ALL ... - You will get to spend one whole minutes together with your dog, and NOBODY will interrupt you!

• Reprinted from the Dobe Club of American magazine Pipeline.

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  Agility is like life, there's always another obstacle.
  Agility Chihuahuas
  http://www.agilityability.co

• ---

  

  Holiday Etiquette for Dogs

  Timely Internet humour from Buff Emslie

  Be especially patient with your humans during this time.

• They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
• They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
• Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

  They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

• Don't pee on the tree.
• Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree.
• Mind your tail when you are near the tree.
• If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open.

• Photos from City Dogs, Edited by J. C. Suares (Collins Publishers San Francisco)

ortant:-

• Observe all the rules in No. 4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important!)
• Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house.
• Tolerate children.
• Turn on your charm big time.

  A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night.

  DON'T BITE HIM!!

  Picture credit: Farmyard Friends from an original painting by Chrissie Snelling for The Blue Cross. Thank you Jo, Jess & Pepsi for the card.

  • ---

  You'all Know You're in a Redneck Agility Club
  when...

  Francis Harvey made this list up entirely from movie and television impressions of the deep South of the USA. What's surprising is that he is Australian! To be fair, we've all formed opinions of life Down Under from the characters like that croc hunter Paul Hogan and Rolf Harris, haven't we. Oh well...

• Any equipment is still painted in primer, even after years of service.

• Any equipment is constructed out of beer cans. The handlers have more fleas than the dogs.

• The judge will let you run your six month old bitch, but only if someone holds her puppies.

• Most of the dogs wear muzzles.

• Some of the handlers should.

• All of the dogs are inter-related in at least two ways, but there aren't any champion lines.

• You shoot your own treats.

• Your trials are sponsored by a brewing company.

• You have traps on your course - literally.

• Your club, in team events, runs 'skins' for lack of a uniform - even the blokes.

• Any obstacles involve fire or alligators.

• The average per dog of legs + eyes + ears is less than six.

• The starters gun has killed someone.

• Any of the prizes are/were alive.

• Ditto the entry fees.

• The head of the club's first champion is mounted above the clubhouse door.

• Your club has a bar but no storage.

• Bubba and Jessie are popular names for the handlers AND the dogs.

• You have an impromptu 'Widest Studded Collar' competition and get entries from everyone on the ground.

• Someone mentioned castration once, and three of the men needed reviving.

• After you sing the National Anthem, everyone says 'Gentlemen, start your engine.'

Your club newsletter has a recipe for dog food that tastes delicious.

Francis Harvey is 36 (male) engineer. He and his wife Audrey run their Australian Cattle Dogs, Cody and Kato, in agility.

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The Pilot

Imagine this. The blind leading the blind from Fred P. Thanks to Marlene Theriault who showed Corgis before agility was invented.

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, saying 'Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'

Keith replied, 'No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.'

Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!

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Viewing for Dogs

As seen in TIME Magazine

When our dogs stay at home alone, we leave the TV on for them tuned to one of the news channels. Other people I know also do this. Perhaps it may account for the media's assumption that people are still interested in the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal. (Incidentally, the dogs are bored!)

Judy Blum, (USA)
Letters to the Editor, Time Magazine (21/12/98)

Ed. note: What a lotta 'telepuppies'! Sounds like prime candidates for a quick course in Agility.

Cartoon by: Eric Gurney in How to Life with a Neurotic Dog (Frederick Muller Ltd)