2020 was a funny
old year...
 Paddy
strongly refutes that he is a couch
potato. He prefers to think of himself as a coiled
spring, ready for action at a moment's notice. He just hasn't decided what
action yet. He's known by his friends as an acute observer and a quick wit so we've been asked
by him
to share his review of 2020 which shouldn't take long as it's pretty much a one word answer - rubbish.
His mum Lou Cadman uses words
of equal meaning, but not as polite and certainly not something your delicate ears
should hear. As one word doth not an article make, we are delighted that Paddy
has stayed awake long
enough to actually write something.
First things first, let me introduce myself.
My posh name is
Mad Moment
of Valgray, but I am known as Paddy. I live with four terriers, three Miniature American Shepherds,
my mum and
Aunty Deb. Suffice to say it can be quite a noisy household at times. I'll let
you decide who makes the most noise.
One thing's for sure.
2020 will go down in
history as being 'memorable' but for all the wrong reasons. It's been funny -
funny peculiar - not funny ha-ha.
The year started in
normal enough fashion
Mum had eaten far too much over the Christmas break
(think hippo) and was walking like a constipated chicken - interesting
combination. Something to do with lifting a sandbag and being old. A lot of
painkillers and a couple of physio visits later, she could stand up straight
which was a relief. I don't think I'm cut out to be an assistance dog.
My cheerleading skills
were clearly of great assistance, however, when words 'Daisy' and 'good'
were finally uttered in the same sentence although granted not as often as
'Daisy' and 'fox poop'. She had a run where she was vaguely controlled and
listening which resulted in qualifying for the Olympia Semi Finals. Two weeks later Twiggy
decided that she wasn't ready for Brown Rat 3 (BR3) to take the limelight and
also qualified over a course that had a few surprising traps. There's life in the old
girl yet. I'll let you decide who I am referring to...
 February passed in a
whirling mass of rain and wind which was particularly unpleasant. It played
havoc with my good looks, and I alternated between resembling a soggy fuzzy mess
and looking like I'd put my wet paws in a plug. Daisy's halo was very short-lived and
'Operation Try & Engage Daisy's Brain Cell at a Show' returned with a
vengeance after a shocking performance at a weekend for Very Clever Dogs. I
think she must have received a memo saying it was a weekend for Very Naughty
Dogs? Mum is determined she can do it; she knows Daisy is more than capable.
I
do fear for what is left of Mum's sanity though. She even had a discussion with
me about resurrecting my agility career. If she's thinking that I should do
agility again, maybe she's already lost the plot? It could, of course, be an age
thing. I think that and Daisy are the real reasons why she has more grey hairs
each day. It's nothing to do with me. I am perfect! Okay... maybe not when I'm
doing my seagull impressions in the morning but every other time!
March
started reasonably normally with a trip to Crufts where, as usual, Twiggy didn't
disappoint, taking it all in her stride and producing a lovely clear round. She
is such a swot. Grumpy, but still a swot.
Lockdown
Then the world went mad
and human kennel cough hit, stopping everything in its tracks. Everyone was on
crate rest, and eating was pretty much the only thing on the agenda. Daisy became
even more of a demented frog, bouncing off the ceiling in the absence of any
opportunity to properly stretch her legs. We all hoped that this would be a
short-lived thing with a return to normality after a few weeks. How wrong we
were...
As the weeks passed, I
wondered if Mum or Aunty Deb had been really naughty and they were in
detention or had been grounded. Mum told me it was the same for everybody, but
I'm not so sure. Fortunately I was lucky enough that Mum was still going to work
every day which meant my many snoozes were not interrupted. The thought of her
being at home all the time is horrific. Once a year between Christmas and New
Year is bad enough.
 The only other saving grace was that the weather was
unseasonably pleasant and we could, at least, enjoy time in the garden. Aside from
Mum wearing shorts - her legs are whiter than mine - the only other downside
with nice weather was the number of flying creatures which terrify me. I know I'm much
bigger than them etc. etc. but telling me to get over it is like telling Mum to
cuddle a spider. Not going to happen!
On about day 6,289,427
of the kennel cough pandemic, we were finally allowed out in the van. For a chap
who believes in the conservation of energy, I surprised even myself with my
enthusiasm for being allowed to stretch my legs and have zoomies. Proper walks!
My enthusiasm for a trip in the van was not well received, however. Mum seemed to
mistake my singing along to whatever's on the radio for me being a prat.
Something I strongly refute and think is very rude! Mum was more out of
condition than ever and I wouldn't have been surprised if her Hogwarts' letter
had dropped on the doormat. Any slight incline in our walk, and she became a
prime candidate for joining Hufflepuff. Aside: For the avoidance of doubt, I am not
saying she's a witch. It's more than my life is worth.
Poppy
and Daisy received a joint birthday present. Daisy (4) was delighted. I'm not
sure Poppy (15) even noticed. It might be a blessing Mum doesn't know my
birthday. Their present was a puppy. When I say a puppy, I mean one crossed
with a piranha and a foghorn. She looked very cute and very cheeky but I
hid on the sofa for weeks just in case. Mum had a list of names as long as your
arm that she'd drawn up ready. Despite that, it took ages to settle on one. Good
to see Mum as decisive as ever! Finally settled on Wispa which is very ironic as
whisper is something not in her vocabulary, although everything else is.
Mother Nature seemed to have forgotten what seasons
were, and summer arrived very early. My whiskers bleached and I was concerned
that I was turning the same colour as Mum. Fortunately, slightly scruffy though
I am, I still had a better hairdo than the massive one she was sporting. She had
grown to about 6'6" and it looked like a strimmer was going to be needed rather
than clippers.
In a typical year I'd
have been spouting on about where we'd been camping, how naughty Daisy had been
and how my adoring fans were queuing for cuddles. It was a bit different this
year. No camping and I am seriously lacking on the cuddle front. Daisy however... In the rolling in fox poop stakes versus Mum managing to stop her,
Daisy is currently at approximately 3,400,000:5 with minimal chance of Mum
reducing that deficit any time soon.
Muzzles for humans
Masks came into force part way through the summer. Just how badly behaved are they all?
Fighting over loo roll must have hit new levels of extreme shopping. I redoubled
my efforts to be very well behaved just in case Mum said I needed one. That
would never do. it would hide my handsomeness and I fear my fuzzy beard would
get tangled up in it.
At the end of August, we
managed to go out. Properly out out, not just out for a walk. We took Elvis the Elddis and camped in a field and everything! A human kennel cough compliant show
where you rocked up, did your runs and then rocked off again. The weather wasn't
so great when we landed and it's been confirmed that a mere sniff of rain is
enough for the van to get stuck. However, it did improve, fortunately not enough
to warrant Mum wearing shorts. Always a blessing! There was a happy reunion with
her orange shirts though. I suppose something has to brighten the place up and
it's not going to be her bubbly personality is it?!
Wispa's first camping
trip and she took it all in her stride. In fact, she took all the toys in the
garden in her stride, too. Mum says I'm a wuss and should keep the young whipper-snapper
in check but quite frankly that means I would have to do something and that's
not really an option.
Last Christmas (no, I'm not about to sing),
we really didn't think Poppy would be camping again and that's when we were
thinking about camping at Easter, pre-human kennel cough, let alone the end of
August! The old girl - Poppy, not Mum - thoroughly enjoyed her weekend camping,
pottering round the garden and supervising agility. Special memories.
The dogmobile succumbed
to kennel cough in September and required expenditure at Vets4Vans to feel
better and pass its MOT. All I can say is it's a good job Mum doesn't have to
have an MOT. She'd need a lot of work to even scrape a pass, and it would require
a not inconsiderable loan.
 At 6
1/2 months Wispa
threw Mum a curveball and came into season. No one was expecting that. Imagine
my horror when I was suddenly dragged off the sofa where I spend the vast
majority of my life snoozing, to attend a tricks class in place of Wispa. In the
interest of any readers with a delicate disposition - and I can't believe there
are many if they know Mum - I have refrained from using bad language and will
simply say 'What on earth?' I was quite lively (Paddy lively so not really
lively at all) for all of five minutes. I ate half my bodyweight in treats and
slept for a week after. I'm not cut out for work and the sooner Wispa was back
in action the better. I needed to keep the sofa warm for Mum.
Surprisingly Twiggy and
Daisy managed to attend a Kennel Club show in the form of Bretford Champ. Fair to say
they were rusty when it came to competing. Fit yes. Match fit no! Twig made
another Champ final - possibly her last one. Mum has always been careful when it
comes to how much agility we all do. Twig certainly doesn't do much now, but it
does help monitor her thyroid issue and maintain physical condition. If she has
retired from competition now then so be it. She can play occasionally at
training and show the rest of us how it's done.
November started with a
glimmer of hope with both Wispa and Daisy having a training session. For the
avoidance of doubt they weren't in the same class; it wouldn't do for Wispa to
show Daisy up.
Locked down again
Turns out that was it
for the rest of the year! After that it's just been eat, sleep, muddy walk,
sleep, cuddles and repeat. Many times. Poppy, Twiggy and I have indulged in
sleeping. Daisy has indulged in mud, and Wispa has indulged in everything while Mum's just
done the eating bit. What a surprise!
Unfortunately the rest
of the population have had the same idea and our walks have been noticeably
busier, with multi-storey car parks needed in places where you would never dream
of putting one. Mum has never had to give so many directions to people walking
in big circles, unable to locate the car they parked in a foot of mud at the
side of a random road.
Poppy has hit 15 years
and seven months and continues to grow old disgracefully. If there is one good
thing to come from human kennel cough, it has been the fact that she has been
able to have so many individual walks with Mum at her side. Two oldies together.
So, my one word
description for 2020 has turned out a bit longer than I originally expected. The
human kennel cough pandemic rumbles on with no sign of easing any time soon
although there may be a glimmer of hope in the form of a sharp needle or two. I
hope they don't decide I need one, too. Mum predicted Lockdown 3. If only she could predict six numbers as easily or
have a sixth sense as to where fox poop is so she could actually stop Daisy
before she lands in it? Wishful thinking.
Hopefully it won't be
too long before I can see you again, but, until such time I will keep the sofa
warm. Make sure you all stay safe and pretend you have a reactive dog with you
everywhere you go. For the avoidance of doubt I don't mean bite everyone, I mean
wear your muzzle and keep your distance. Might also be worth thinking you are
walking Daisy, too; she has to be washed so much there's no chance of any virus
landing on her.
 About the authors...
Paddy (Mad Moment of Valgray) was a rescue dog. Back in 2013 Val
Phillips posted a picture of a sad little dog called Chocky on Facebook. Lou
Cadman wasn't looking for another dog, and certainly not a large one but those
eyes kept calling.
Paddy is the surrogate
big brother to all in the household. Whilst his agility career never really
took off unless it involved an A-frame and orbit, he preferred to offer a light-hearted review of life. This, in turn, helped keep things in perspective for Lou
Cadman, his mum, and so his School Report was born. Hard to believe but Paddy's
School Reports have been a regular occurrence for over seven years. Where has that
time gone?!
 Lou Cadman started
agility in 2008 and is probably more associated with terriers or
Brown Rats as they are affectionately known. Between them Poppy (BR1),
Twiggy (BR2), Daisy (BR3) have all enjoyed success at Grade 7, Crufts, Olympia,
Team England and Team GB.
Paddy broke the mould in
more ways than one and now Wispa (Miniature American Shepherd) has added another
dimension.
Lou also enjoys
judging.
Photo credit: Paddy
jumping - Dog Oddity
First published on
2 February 2021
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