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Agility is Poetry in Motion


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It Could be Verse!

Do you like poetry? Are you the budding Wordsworth or Keats of the canine world? Do you think in iambic pentameter or dream in haiku. If you have ever scribbled a poem on the back of a show schedule while waiting in the car park for your go or written a verse to show how you feel about your dog, email them to:- agilitynet.

 
Why Own A Dog?
Author unknown
From Shirley Elkins

Why own a dog? There's a danger you know,
You can't own just one, for the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger.
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.

One dog is no trouble, and two are so funny.
The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey.
The fifth one's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a houseful of ease.

So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy but, oh, Lord the hair
With dogs on the sofa and dogs on the bed,
And crates in the kitchen, it's no bother, you've said.

They're really no trouble, their manners are great.
What's one more dog and just one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture dusty.

The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few noseprints and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom.

There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny.
The vet and food bills grows larger, you owe BIG money.

Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other 'dog folks' who live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.

There's dog food and vitamins, training and shots.
And entries and travel and motels which cost lots.
Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite one comes and climbs in your lap.

His look says you're special and you know that you will
Keep all of the critters in spite of the bill.
Some just for showing and some just to breed.
And some just for loving, they all fill a need.

God, winter's a hassle, the dogs hate it too.
But they must have their walks though they're numb and your blue.
Late evening is awful, you scream and you shout
At the dogs on the sofa who refuse to go out.

The dogs and the dog shows, the travel, the thrills,
The work and the worry, the pressure, the bills.
The whole thing seems worth it, the dogs are your life.
They're charming and funny and offset the strife.

Your life-style has changed. Things won't be the same.
Yes, those dogs are addictive and so is the dog game.



Going Over to the Dark Side
Anonymous

I would have got a collie
Over twenty years ago,
But the person that I trained with
Said No No No No No.

Youíre not a collie person
Of that I can be sure,
And if you go and get one
Youíll be shown the flipping door.


Stick to the Plan
By Charlotte Allen

What's the secret? Some people ask
To happiness that's made to last? 
I believe it's when you know 
that you did your best and even though
The red rosette's gone and you finished last
You had a freaking, awesome blast! 

It's important to remember that the dogs don't care,
The result, the time, that tight turn over there,
It's the time with you that they hold dear
They're delighted just to hit top gear
So donít get caught up in all the drama,
5 metres, 10 metres, what's it matter? 
When over that finish line you stagger
Be proud and do it again with swagger!

And remember the reason this all began
To have fun with your dog and stick to that plan!


Agility Blessing
By P.J. Hughes, Inspired by his little 'Tater'

May the tunnels not have too much suction,
May the course be fun and fast,
May your dog not stop to say 'hello'
to the photographers they pass!

May the table not be too slippery,
May the chute house no scary beast,
May all the yellow parts be touched
with one little toe, at least.

May the wind be always at your back,
May no bars fall on the ground.
May the A-frame have no stop sign on top,
May the judge's whistle never sound.

May your dog obey all correct commands
And ignore the ones that are wrong.
May your heart be light, your feet be sure
and the bond with your dog grow strong.

At the finish line, may great joy abound,
regardless of your score,
You have your dog, your dog has you,
and who could ask for more?

With thanks to Dan Shaw for calling our attention to this poem


Help!
By Iris Richards

Now I know that much has already been said
About when help is help
Itís something we all dread.

Show managers and judges all can confirm
That when writing a list
We always will learn.

That thereís never enough people to spare
Some do too much
And some may even share.

 But more often than not, itís always the same
Tannoy's calling for help
Again and again.

Some competitors really donít understand
How easy it is
To just lend a hand.

 Pop into the ring and pick up a pole
Pass on a scribe sheet
Or fill in a hole.

Pass the lead down to the jump numbered twenty
Calling for dogs
You know there'll be plenty.

But please do a little, a lot if you can
Judges do like some help
To set their ring plan

Remember that if this non help continues
There will not be any
Agility venues

Consider the thought of not running your dogs?
Why expect judges
To do all their own jobs?

Just a little offer of help
Can go a long way
To enjoying the event
And having a great day.


 Judge's Grovel
by Anni Telford

Oh Brenda, darling Brenda
Your courses are divine
Regardless of the standard
The dogs run them just fine

So when we're up at Scunnie
I'm sure we'll all agree
Your courses are just yummy -
Or so says Nick and me!

First seen on The Agility Forum (08/04/02)

Judge's Reply
By Anni and Nick
Were taking the mick!
Now they've run the course
They might change their thoughts.
Brenda
~
(Sorry - rhyming was never my forte.)


 Limericks & Doggerel
By Martin Pollard (in high spirits - hic!)

Why, Oh why, can't I try World Agility?
I was told by the 'suits' in authority
'Your dog, we decree,
Has no pedigree,
So is therefore devoid of ability.'

A Wolfhound from Burnham on Crouch,
In the weaves would often cry 'Ouch!
These poles are too short
for a dog of my sort,
They tickle me right up my crutch'.*

I have a dog - Hillary by name,
He loves to climb to the peak of the frame,
and standing there takes in the view,
He says 'I'll Everest here, if it's the same to you!'

Ding dong merrily on high
The poles are falling over
Ding dong merrily below
The height's too much for Rover.
Glorororiaa, glorioria, glorioria, Gloria
Gloria's crying, Boo Hoo!
Glorororiaa, glorioria, glorioria, Gloria
Now she's stuck them on with UHU - HU.

* Once printed in Agility Eye

Pedigree Logic
By Martin Pollard

With biting dogs weíre all agreed
In every case we blame the deed,
It plainly cannot be the breed.
But if the deed is good and kind,
(Agility might come to mind),
Do we now all praise the deed?
Of course; it cannot be the breed!


Agility Assault Course
By Hilary Bates

She's taking me to agility.
She says I'll like it a lot.
Don't know who she's kidding -
I'm sure she's lost the plot.

Have you seen the height of those things!
A-frame, dogwalk and all.
If she thinks I'm going up there,
She's really up the wall.

She runs me to the A-frame
'Get up,' she shouts with glee.
By the time I've reached the top
I'm ready for a pee!

Why can't I have somebody older?
About 90, who sits in a chair -
I could sit on her lap and be happy
And never have a care.

But no, it's jumps, tunnel and A-frame.
She shouts 'Get up! Get over!'
If I could I have my way
I'd be on a ferry to Dover.

She rushes me round the course
Shouting do this and then that!
By the time we have finished
I feel worn out and flat.

Not that it bothers her
She thinks it's lots of fun.
I'd love to see her do it
And crash land on her bum!

Reprinted from The Poodle Training Club Newsletter (Summer 2000)

The author Lucy is a black Toy Poodle belonging to Hilary Bates. They train with Bob and Wendy Ratcliffe at Benbow AC and in the garden at home.


Agility Addiction
From Sue White

You know you're well and truly hooked
When every weekend in the summer is booked
When even your annual holiday vacation
Has become another agility vocation.

You know when you've gone round the bend
When you get every schedule for which you can send
When you've spent every last penny and pound
On your not so good, but loveable hound.

You know when you've gone totally cuckoo
When the accommodation's a tent with an outside loo
When your feet are wet and your hands are cold
And your dog still will not do what it's told.

You know when you're out of your head
When at five in the morning you're out of your bed
When the odds of winning are 500 to 1
But you still carrying on doing it 'just for fun.'

You know it's finally taken over your life
When you've covered the distance from London to Fife
When nothing will make you miss your agility session
And you're booked up every type of course and lesson.

You know when it has affected your brain
When you're standing in a field in the pouring rain
When your heart is beating and you're gasping for air
And you're covered in mud, and still don't care.

You know you are certifiably insane
When you study a course again and again
When you are willing to travel mile after mile
For one small rosette that still makes you smile!



Agility Anxiety
By Sue White

Here we go, another early start
Packing the car down to a fine art
Not light yet, but off we go
To another agility show. Down country lanes and dirty track
Hope we can find the way back.

Hundreds of people and even more dogs
Park the car and find the bogs.
Let the dogs go out for a run
Trying to remember I do this for fun
Praying and hoping for some clear rounds.

 Please dogs don't leave the show grounds
Walking the course again and again
The butterflies start, I must be insane
Working out the right place to switch.

Hope I can run this without a hitch.
The timekeeper says 'When you're ready'
I think, 'Will this dog, for once go steady?'
Off we go like a bolt from the blue.

I wish I had gone once more to the loo.
40 odd seconds go in a flash
 Over, in, through the dog and I dash
The judge's whistle we did not hear
If no time faults, we went clear.

Another day, another smile
That's what makes it all worth while
As long as my dogs are happy and content
Next week a different field, a new event.

More Poetry in Motion


Updated 28/11/16

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